Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
