She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
