Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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