Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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