You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
