Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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