you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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