Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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