She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
