8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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