Capitaan dildo arrescate!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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