i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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