What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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