I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
