Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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