do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
