There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
