I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize