I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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