My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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