So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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