I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
