Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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