the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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