First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize