i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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