dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you had me at cake vodka
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
