gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
