i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
