i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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