We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
