I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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