Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
try to milk me bitch
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