when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
