I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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