Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
