woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The ass gains better be worth it
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