i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
