So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
