i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
