If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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