i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
