I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
