Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
