Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
