I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
