I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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