remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
