After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Found the puke drawer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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