what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
