she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
