Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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