I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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