There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
