I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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