How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
