I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
