my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
