Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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