he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
