dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
