you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
