mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
