I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize