U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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