Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
