so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
