lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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