i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
