He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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