Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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