hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
