she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
