I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize