When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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