I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
