YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
