Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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