I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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