watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
