Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
