I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
