The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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