Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
