fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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