don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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