She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
