I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
