You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
