Say something about gay babies.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have fence marks all over my body
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
