ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
