could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
