I just saw a hot homeless man
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize