i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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