I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
