dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
