may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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