you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want her autograph on my taint
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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