he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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