Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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