I'm going to jail i love you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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