At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
