P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
