It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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