i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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