Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
