Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
