I haven't been this sober since birth.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
