The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
