so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize