dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
