you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
