you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
