epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
