For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
