i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
