Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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