dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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