i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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